In the third blog we looked at the positives there might be for you following a separation.  We gave some examples so you can see that there could be positives, even if you don’t recognise them in your situation right now.

In this blog we thought it might be helpful to just share a bit of inspiration with you to keep you going if you’re finding things tough or difficult right now.  If you do feel stuck, or that there simply might never be life that doesn’t feel like it does now then have a look at our blog.  There is such a wealth of resource in it that you will likely find something that speaks to your current challenges.  Don’t forget there is also our online shop that has affordable resources for anyone going through a separation.  You only need to pay for each resource once and then you and your partner can both use them.

We also run the Soulful Separation Support group which is an online community for anyone going through a separation.  You can get support there from others who are also on this journey.  There are also professionals in there like us who can offer you support and guidance with issues you’re finding tricky.

Finding light in the dark places is often challenging in a separation.

We’ve also included some inspirational quotes below and added our interpretation to them if you’re feeling a bit short on inspiration and not feeling like there is any light at the end of the tunnel.

“Hope is important because it can make the present moment less difficult to bear. If we believe that tomorrow will be better, we can bear a hardship today.” – Thich Nhat Hanh

We don’t know anything about Thich Nhat Hanh but a google search tells us that he is a Vietnamese Thien Buddhist Monk and peace activist who founded the Plum Village Tradition.  This quote needs little explanation.  We all need hope for tomorrow to get us through the challenges today.

“It is only in our darkest hours that we may discover the true strength of the brilliant light within ourselves that can never, ever, be dimmed.” – Doe Zantamata

This quote resonated strongly with Louisa Whitney who can see that some of the greatest challenges of her professional and personal life have made her realise the strength she has and she now draws on this in any challenging situation.  Louisa also explains that she feels she can move back to a more positive place in any challenge now because of the strength she has gained from previous challenges.  Doe is an author, artist and photographer who wrote the Happiness in Your Life book series.

“The greatest glory in living lies not in never failing, but in rising every time we fail.” – Nelson Mandela

This quote makes us want to play the Andra Day track “Rise Up”.  It never fails to make us feel more powerful and worthy in each challenging moment.  What music makes you feel more worthy and more powerful?  Why not play a track today?

Finally this quote that we saw courtesy of the keepinspiring.me website gave us chills because so often going through a separation can really feel like you’re battling a big head wind and just not getting anywhere.  We understand that feeling.  But what if this was just preparation for take off?

Do you feel like you’ve taken off into the wind?

We hope you’ve found these quotes inspiring.  If anything has inspired you in your separation then please add it below or email us to tell us about it so we can pass it on to others who might need it.

If you haven’t already seen this blog series then the first blog was the introduction and talking about why positives are important, and especially right now during the pandemic.  The second blog talked about how there can be an improved relationship with your children following a separation.  Again these changes might be more in the longer term, rather than the short term, but keeping an eye on changes in the short term can help to shine a light on what things might be like at the end of the tunnel.

In terms of your relationship you may already see this.  If you made the decision to separate, or it was a mutual decision, then you have likely embraced the fact that your life will be better without being in a relationship with your ex partner.  Whatever the reason for that you must have felt strongly enough about it to make the decision to separate.  If the decision was effectively handed to you then it can be harder to see the positives.  If you felt that there were difficulties in the relationship then you might like to contemplate what not having those difficulties, or arguments, might feel like to you.  If you felt that there weren’t any difficulties and that you were happy with your partner then it is often much harder to see any positives for your future and it can take quite some time for you to feel like there might be light in your future.  This is OK but if you feel you are struggling emotionally – and especially with anxiety or depression – then it’s a good idea to get some support.  A conversation with your GP can be a good port of call.

The light at the end of the tunnel can take a while to see in a separation

To help you here are some positives that we have heard over the years from clients, friends and family going through a separation:

• There was a hobby I always wanted to take up that I didn’t have time for but now I will be able to and I’m looking forward to that.
• I had a desire to pursue a promotion or a career change but it didn’t fit in with our family life but now I can pursue this and the extra income will help me as a single person.  I’m looking forward to being more financially independent.
• Our arguments left me feeling drained and I’m looking forward to a more peaceful life without the daily arguments, sulking and mean comments.  It will be much better to not feel I’m walking on eggshells the whole time.
• My ex partner wasn’t always nice to me and my confidence was really affected.  I can see that since we have separated my confidence levels have risen a little and I am looking forward to where greater confidence might take me.
• I often felt conflicted between my partner’s needs and my children’s needs and my own needs.  Without having to worry about my partner’s needs I’m looking forward to focusing on my children’s needs when they’re with me, and my own needs when my children are with my ex partner.
• My partner and I are very different people and being together meant both of us had to make compromises to find a way forward together.  I’m looking forward to being more “me” again.

These may not be your positives.  You may be able to see that some of them might be positives to you in the immediate or longer term future.  Or you may feel there are other positives for you.  It can help to write them down and go back to them when you feel you’re having a dark moment.  Being able to see what might be in the future can get you through the challenges.   As you see new positives – however small – write them down so you can watch them grow into bigger positives, or hold onto them during moments where you feel challenged.

If you would like help in managing your separation in the most constructive and peaceful way possible then you can download our free video with guidance on how to improve your communication to move forward.  It explains why communication is often challenging in a separation, and gives you guidance on how to improve this.

We also run a free Facebook group where those going through a separation can talk to others in the same situation (people are at varying stages in the separation so can share experiences at all stages) and where professionals come in and talk to you about issues you’re facing and how to deal with them.  It’s called Soulful Separation Support.

• There are many difficulties in divorce and separation
• It’s my job to help those going through it to navigate this tricky path
• So many issues arise from separating from a partner

But I have also been mindful of how difficult people are finding everyday life right now – even those not going through a separation.  Not being able to see friends and family, home schooling your children, worrying about becoming or being ill, worrying about the financial effects on you of being furloughed,  made redundant or not being able to work.  All these things are challenging us in a way I think many of us have never felt challenged.  Yes sure we have had tough times but there has never been a collective toughness like COVID in many of our lifetimes and the fact it’s tough for everyone brings with it some unpleasantness in itself.  I’ve seen so many people sitting in judgement on others, despite knowing little about their lives.  I’ve seen normally kind people display very little patience with each other.  I’ve seen good and sensible people crack and say they simply can’t follow the rules any more.

Finding light at the end of the tunnel

There is no doubting that even before anyone going through a separation starts to deal with that there are many challenges in life already.  So it occurred to me that it might be helpful for people to focus beyond where they are now.  Beyond the drudgery, the misery and the worries to what life might be like on the other side of this.  As this is a blog aimed at those going through a separation it seemed helpful to look at what might be unexpected upsides to divorce because, believe it or not, I have seen people eventually find light at the end of the tunnel and bonuses they didn’t know would be there.

It’s not an easy idea to get your head round.  Particularly if the separation has been thrust upon you and you didn’t want it and especially if if is early days and you feel like you will never not feel sad, distraught, angry, guilty and a multitude of other strong emotions.  But one day you might and it can help in these dark times to know that there might be light at the end of the tunnel and that that light might be beautiful sunlight.

So in this series of blogs I will be look at:

NEXT WEEK: how your relationship with your children can change following a separation – for the better.

15th FEBRUARY: how life could look different for you following a separation and how there may even be good parts (yes really).

22nd FEBRUARY:  I’ll be giving you a bit of inspiration to keep you going if you’re feeling things are pretty tough right now.

Stay tuned for the blogs.  In between the blogs if you’d like additional guidance then would our new FREE 30 minute video on better communication help you and your ex partner better manage your separation?  Our clients often say that communication is one of the biggest issues – after all if you can talk about problems together you can usually resolve them.

We also have the online community Soulful Separation Support where you can get support from others going through a separation and professionals like us.  It’s a closed community so only those in the group can see what’s said.

In this blog we are finishing off the topic by sharing our 5 top tips for what to do in the immediate aftermath of a separation.  These are:

1.  Honour the grief process.  You cannot ignore or bypass this grief process and it’s important to feel and acknowledge where you are each at in terms of your emotions right now.  If you feel you are struggling emotionally then it’s important to get some support.  You could start with your GP in the first instance, or approach a trusted counsellor if you know one.  Friends and family can be a great support but it can also pull them in and they can feel they have to take sides which isn’t always useful.  Don’t wait until things are so bad you feel completely stuck.  Talk to someone at any point if you feel you simply aren’t coping as well as you’d like.  It’s also important to prioritise your own self-care.   Be kind to yourself and don’t give yourself a hard time for finding things difficult or not being in as good a place as you like.  Make time for yourself and don’t commit yourself to things you think would be unhelpful right now.
2. Respect the fact that you may both be at quite different points in the grief process.  Don’t force your partner to talk about resolving long term issues if they’re not ready.  It will be easier, less stressful and likely cheaper if you wait until you are both able to talk reasonably calmly about what happens next.  Remember if you’ve been contemplating the end of the relationship for some time you are likely to be further ahead in the grief process and your partner will need to catch up before you can have the most constructive conversations (or even conversations that feel a tiny bit constructive).
3. When you do decide you both feel equipped to start talking about long term issues then ensure you break things down into manageable steps.  It can help not to put time limits on how quickly you resolve things as this adds a pressure that often isn’t helpful.  Creating a timetable so you both feel reassured about the steps is fine but remember that it’s more important to get things right than it is to have them done quickly.
4. Remember that you need to be able to have a reasonable relationship going forwards if this is possible (in some cases it simply isn’t).  Your children will undoubtedly benefit from having parents who are able to talk about them and who can move children between them without there being arguments and lots of tension.  Your relationship as co-parents may well evolve so don’t worry if it doesn’t feel very friendly right now – it may feel easier once things are sorted out and you are some months or years down the line.  But do be mindful of your actions.  It helps to weigh up how important issues are to you with how they affect the other person.  Keeping things amicable and peaceful is best for all concerned and if you can approach discussions with that in mind then you will both likely benefit, and your children certainly will.
5. Getting the right help at the right time can go a long way to supporting your wish to keep things amicable, constructive and peaceful.  There are a wealth of professionals that can help you make arrangements when you separate.  Family mediators will help you to come together and talk about what happens next, lawyers will advise you what is in your best interests.  Financial advisers will help you to understand what steps you need to take to feel financially secure and well provided for.  Counsellors and coaches can help you to feel more supported and to look at what you need emotionally, and to help you feel more confident about your decision making abilities.  You may find this blog post about having a divorce support team helpful.

If you would like help in managing your separation in the most constructive and peaceful way possible then you can sign up to our free mailing list.  You can also download our free mini guide to separation as part of this.

We also run a free Facebook group where those going through a separation can talk to others in the same situation (people are at varying stages in the separation so can share experiences at all stages) and where professionals come in and talk to you about issues you’re facing and how to deal with them.  It’s called Soulful Separation Support.

• The first thing is to create space for the conversation away from children and when your partner can take some space to deal with their immediate reaction.  Telling them when they are just about to leave for work is unlikely to be helpful.  We’re also mindful that we’re writing this second blog just as we have entered the 4th lockdown due to the coronavirus pandemic.  Separating from a partner and then being locked in the same space with them is extremely hard to deal with and it’s important to give some consideration to whether you can wait before communicating your decision to your partner.  You may feel it’s unfair to give them false hope, and that not saying this will exacerbate the situation further.  You are in the situation and best placed to decide but it’s something you may wish to reflect on.  If you are going to separate and remain living in the same house then it’s important to consider how you will give each other space, and how you’re going to minimise the knock on effect for your children.  At a time when anxiety is already heightened and many children are finding home schooling difficult seeing your mum and dad upset or arguing is likely to make this worse.  You may find this blog about managing a separation in lockdown helpful. 
• Explain clearly that you want to separate.  It’s important that if you think there is still hope for the relationship that you communicate that, but that you also communicate if you believe your decision is final.  You may be asked for your reasons and this is difficult.  Most people want to know what has led their partner to this conclusion but laying the blame squarely at the other person’s door is not helpful.  Part of moving forward constructively is each accepting your own role in the breakdown of the relationship.

• Be compassionate about your partner’s feelings.  You don’t know how they will react.  They might be expecting it, or it may be a relief for them.  They may be devastated.  In many mediation sessions we encounter couples where one person is of the view that the other person was expecting the decision and the other person was not and was devastated and this immediately creates a disconnect between the two of you.  You each have different perspectives on your relationship, and will have experienced the same events differently.  This means you can’t predict how your partner may react.  Treat all their feelings as being valid and true.  It doesn’t mean you have to agree with what they’re saying but you can acknowledge the strength of their emotional response, and how they’re feeling.  For example, saying “I can see how upset you are” or “I’m sorry this is upsetting you” doesn’t get into a debate about whether they’re justified in being upset, it just acknowledges that they are.
• There is a grief process following a separation and this takes different lengths of time for different people.  Allow your partner to grieve.  Don’t expect them to immediately make financial or other decisions.  Allow them some space both immediately after the conversation, and in the days and weeks afterwards.  You may need to make some short term arrangements but allow them some space before broaching this and try to leave things if they are finding it too difficult to address practicalities right now.  Remember that by making the decision to separate you have already travelled part way through your grief cycle and your partner may need to catch up a bit before you are able to have constructive and meaningful conversations about what happens next.

If you would like help in managing your separation in the most constructive and peaceful way possible then you can sign up to our free mailing list.  You can also download our free mini guide to separation as part of this.

We also run a free Facebook group where those going through a separation can talk to others in the same situation (people are at varying stages in the separation so can share experiences at all stages) and where professionals come in and talk to you about issues you’re facing and how to deal with them.  It’s called Soulful Separation Support.

In a new series of blogs we’re going to be looking at making that decision to separate and breaking it down.  In this first blog we’ll be looking at the decision itself and things you might do before you make the decision to separate.  This can be helpful if you’re not sure whether it is the end of the relationship or not.  Sometimes people want to know if they’ve exhausted all the avenues.

We’ll then be looking at how to communicate your decision to both your partner, and later on your children.  We’ll also be looking at the first steps to take once the decision has been made.

In this first blog we will look at making the decision and deciding whether it really is the end.  If you’ve felt unhappy for sometime then it can help to pinpoint exactly what it is that makes you unhappy.  Often there can be a mass of things that are causing you to feel unhappy or unfulfilled and pinpointing the reasons can help you understand whether it’s purely difficulties in your relationship that are making you feel this way.  Perhaps you have felt unsupported for some time?  Or maybe there are things you would like to do that you don’t feel able to because of your current situation?  Maybe you and your partner are simply leading separate lives and you feel there is no common ground or shared interests for you both any more?  Perhaps you feel completely disconnected from each other?

Once you have given some thought to the root causes of your unhappiness or discontent then consider the following:

• Have you properly communicated how you feel to your partner?  You might think you’ve had conversations but so often clients in mediation tell us that they tried to talk to their partner but the other partner didn’t take it seriously and just thought it was a minor blip due to life events, or it being winter, or for some other reason.  By the time the other partner realises their partner is really unhappy and takes steps to address this a decision has been made that separation is now the only option.  Be as clear as you can about how unhappy you are, what the reasons are for this, and what you think would improve the situation?
• It can help to be clear with each other about what steps are needed and the timescale that you will allow a period to improve things.  Saying you need more support with day to day chores and agreeing your partner will hoover every Saturday, wash up every other day and do two school drops and that you will commit to this for 3 months and see how things are gives you both a clear framework.  Perhaps your partner has things they would like you to do to make them feel happier?  These may be more abstract ideas such as listening more, or showing your affection.
• If you feel that things are really bad and you’re struggling to resolve things yourselves then why not consider seeing a counsellor who specialises in relationships?  They will be able to help you unpick what’s going wrong and take steps to change things.  If you both still want to make things work then getting professional help can be the assistance you both need.  It can be tricky to ask people for recommendations but if you know a friend has used someone good then ask.  Alternatively please feel free to get in touch with us has we hold details of relationship counsellors who may be able to help you.
• Make time for your relationship!  If you feel like you’re always working or busy with children then make a date to spend time with each other away from the other pressures.  Put your phones away and talk to each other or just hang out together and try to reconnect.

If you do decide to make the decision to separate then you can get free resources to help you manage this process as constructively and peacefully as possible into your inbox every fortnight via our free mailing list.  We also have a free online group where you can get support from others going through a separation, and from professionals like us.

Christmas can be a challenging time for separated parents.

So here is my take on things.

• Try thinking about arrangements well in advance.  I hear you – that’s all well and good, Emma, but with Government restrictions changing all the time, is this possible?  This year has been harder than normal and being flexible has probably been the name of the game, but that doesn’t mean next year has to be.  Try to avoid thinking about what might happen and have those tricky conversations with the other parent so you can deal with any issues head on.  The children will ultimately benefit when they know, as much as it’s possible anyway, that they are going to spend time with you both and neither of you are going to be left out.  Over this Christmas period, either make a mental note or jot something down about what arrangements worked for the kids and what didn’t.  Then, when the dust has settled, and well in advance of next year’s festivities, start to discuss with the other parent how you feel things would be best for the kids next Christmas.  Having those discussions early could be the key to a less pressurised situation.
• So, things this year might be different.  But different can be good too.  Start some new traditions with the children and take the pressure of yourself to keep everything the same.   If the children are not with you this year, make sure you have a proper celebration with them – they will enjoy having two special days, but also do something for you.  Be with friends or family or do something that makes you happy.  Or spend time alone.  With many people having managed a whole host of extra things this year (including home schooling) maybe you could do with a bit of time alone to recharge and think about how thing have been for you.
• Taking time to reflect is important.  It’s common to feel hopeful and make resolutions going into the new year and 2021 cannot come soon enough for many.  If you can, take some time for yourself over the holidays to reflect on what you have achieved in the last year and the challenges you and your family have faced.  If you want things to be different, focus on how you can get there and the positive steps you can take.

Despite my initial worry, I have really enjoyed writing this series of blogs and, if you have stuck with me and read them all, I thank you.  The only thing left to say – and no-one says it better than my fellow countryman Shakin’ Stevens in possibly the best and cheesiest (I did warn you!) Christmas song ever – “Merry Christmas Everyone”.

Emma Ingham

FMCT

This is a little bit more about Emma……

….Emma is a trained Mediator, working towards Accreditation, with experience of mediating child arrangements, property and finance matters.  She is also a non-practising solicitor, with over 8 years’ experience of all aspects of family law.  She has a particular specialism in children and parenting matters, having a Masters Degree in Child Law.  Emma is a member of the Family Mediation Council and the College of Mediators.

Emma decided to train as a Mediator after taking a career break to raise her two daughters.  When thinking about returning to work, she realised that she missed helping and supporting her clients but she did not miss the court process!  Emma is known for her empathetic and caring approach to mediation.  She takes great pride in applying her legal knowledge and communication skills to support her clients with moving on from the issues that are causing them difficulty.

Emma enjoys spending time with her friends and family (usually over coffee and cake), reading and recently started running (very, very slowly).

You can see Emma on Linkedin and also look out for her popping up on the blog too!  Please join Louisa Whitney in welcoming Emma to the LKW Family Mediation practice.

You can watch a video I put together about this and/or read the blog below.

The first piece of important information is that parents are permitted to leave their homes to transport their child or children to the other parent’s house.  The government made something of a dog’s dinner of clarifying this situation so it’s important to note that this point may not be clear.  The only exception to this would be if there were symptoms of COVID-19 (i.e a high temperature or a dry cough) in one parent’s house when the child was there.  In which case the child would be part of that household self-isolating for 14 days and would not then be able to go to the other parent’s house.  If the child developed symptoms then they would need to self-isolate for 7 days, even if this took them over the original 14 days.

So potentially a parent may not see their child for 21 days if the child ended up self-isolating with the other parent.  This is tough.  Especially so for parents who share care of their children through the week so they never go more than a few days without seeing the child.

There are also difficult decisions to be made for those families whose households include a member who is in the vulnerable category.  This could be a parent with asthma or a lung condition (or other ongoing health condition) or a grandparent living in the same household who is over 70.  In these circumstances there may be difficult decisions to make about whether you continue to co-parent as usual during this difficult time.  Having a child moving between households could potentially pose an increased risk to a vulnerable person that needs to be considered.  There simply aren’t right or wrong answers in this situation and it’s important that you give thought to what is right for your family.  You may wish to give some thought to:

• If the vulnerable member of your household is an older or vulnerable relative is there another family member they can stay with at this time to prevent the increased risk being past to them of the child going between houses; or is it possible for them to be isolated within your household i.e having their own room and bathroom away from others?
• Is there an increased risk posed by the other parent’s household?  Are they a key worker continuing to go out to work and mix with others who are potentially carrying the virus?  Or are they staying at home and not going out and so of a lower risk?
• How might your child feel if they were not able to see the other parent for some time?  How do they cope with changes to their routine? For children diagnosed with ASD even small changed in their routines can have a big impact.
• Can you mitigate the difficulties for the child with the use of regular video chats by Facetime or what’s app or other such technology?  These technologies are also useful if a child ends up self-isolating with one parent and unable to see the other.  You can be really creative with these.  I am aware of clients using these for chats and discussions, home schooling and reading stories for quite long chunks of time.
• Can you re-jig your current routine to provide for time with each parent in a way that poses less of a risk to other members of each household?  This might include longer periods of time with each parent.
• Many mediators are carrying on helping those going through (or who have been through) a separation and so if you’re finding it hard to work out these challenging issues then consider using family mediation as a safe space to have difficult discussions.  Meetings would need to take place online but can be a useful way of exploring and understanding all the options and finding a mutually palatable way forward.

It’s important to remember that your situation is your situation and whilst it may cause you both some upset and anxiety the object is to find a way forward everyone can live with.  This situation won’t be forever and a solution is a temporary fix to a unique set of circumstances.  Don’t worry about what others are doing but focus on what will work for you.  Be creative and innovative in finding a solution to your particular challenges.  As long as it works for you no one will interfere with it.  Please get in touch if you feel you could do with some professional guidance and support.

Some parts of this survey really jumped out at me and I wanted to add some thoughts on them:

• I can see the generational difference in how long parents stayed together but even amongst younger parents it was still 3 years.  Often in family mediation one of the things you see is that the longer people stay in an unhappy relationship the more the anger and resentment builds.  Once they finally separate it can be like the door has opened on all these negative emotions and the situation can quite quickly become toxic. 
• It’s encouraging to see 21% of those in this situation wanted to work on their relationship.  If you can see difficulties then getting assistance from an experienced relationship counsellor at an early stage can be a useful tool in helping you to identify, recognise and address what is causing difficulties in the relationship.
• It’s sad to see that 20% of those asked felt they could not separate for financial reasons.  Concerns about money often rank very highly on the list of concerns people separating have.  This is understandable because if you have been able to make ends meet (sometimes just about) in one house then moving to two homes can feel like a stretch too far.  But staying in an unhappy relationship purely due to financial fears is not a good place to be and can impact on your wellbeing and mental health.  It’s interesting that 41% of people kept their decision to themselves and this could have led to them feeling very isolated. 
• The last point I wanted to pick out is the suggestion that it might be better for the children to see their parents together to set a good example for them.  For many children the relationship between their parents is their first experience of what adult relationships look like.  If there are difficulties but you are able to be respectful of each other and communicate with each other then this may be a good example on the outside, but if you are not mindful of each other’s feelings, or you spend little time together, or are arguing regularly then this may not be the best example to set your child of what a healthy relationship should look like.

I think it is interesting to look at the results of this survey and compare it with a poll by ComRes in 2014 that was shared by Resolution as in that study 82% of young people asked (all participants had parents who had separated) 82% said that they would rather their parents had separated than stayed together if they were unhappy.  It seems that many adults feel that it is better for children if they remain in an unhappy relationship, whereas children don’t want to see their parents unhappy.

What does this mean for you?

1. If you’re in an unhappy relationship should you separate?

This is a decision that only you can make.  If your relationship is not making you happy then it may well be worth taking steps to address this with a relationship therapist.  It’s also worth giving some thought to what your children may be aware of.  Children are often aware of far more than their parents realise and may well have picked up on relationship difficulties, tensions in the home and unease or unhappiness in their parents.  If there is open hostility and arguing in your relationship then consider how this might be affecting your children?  I have certainly experienced clients in mediation whose children have been the ones to flag that they do not like the arguing and would rather their parents separated than argued continually.  The studies that have been done into the long term effects of separation on children all suggest it is being caught up in parental conflict that causes difficulties for children and young people, rather than the fact their parents separated in itself.  It’s entirely possible for children to be caught up in their parents’ conflict without their parents haven’t separated.

2.   If you are going to separate what do you need to be aware of?

Firstly, be aware that there is considerable help and support for those going through a separation and there is an emphasis on constructive and peaceful separation – with your children’s needs at the top of the agenda – wherever possible.  Your first thoughts should be to access good support both for each of you, and to enable you to work out what happens next.  It may also be sensible to get support for your children outside of the two of you, so that your children have someone to talk to.  This might be a friend or family member who will be able to avoid taking sides.  Or it might be a professional they can access through their school, or through your GP.  There are also many local private services.  If you would like to know of local services around the Dorking area, then please get in touch.  Know that there is a prescribed grief cycle that comes with a separation or divorce and it may take you time to feel like you again.  It may also help to know that there are conversations you can have in family mediation at different points depending on where you are in the process.  Family Mediation is a safe space to have difficult conversations at any point during your separation.

3.  What if we can’t separate?

Please be aware that you can always separate from a partner.  Sometimes it requires some creative thinking to find ways of creating two homes but there is always a way and no one should be forced to remain in a relationship where they are unhappy for any reason.  Family mediators are very knowledgeable about different ways of making one home into two because they draw on all the experience and knowledge they have.  Lawyers can help you too.  Family mediation is often the quickest way of resolving issues (and therefore the most cost effective) because you talk to each other directly with the help of an impartial mediator.  They can take you through the process of getting clear about what money you each have and what happens next.

If you’re not sure what to do next then please get in touch and have a no obligation chat about the options open to you.