The number one wish of so many our clients over the last 10 years has been that they and their ex-partners could communicate better. This standard to reason; after all if you can communicate effectively they you can resolve most issues between yourselves without having to resort to mediators, lawyers or endless emails.
You’re probably familiar with this scenario: you and your ex need to talk about something and you know it will be difficult and potentially an argument so you both skirt round it and put it off. Eventually you have to tackle it and it all blows up and neither of you feels like you want to talk to the other for a good long while (or possibly ever again). You feel frustrated, worn down and anxious because the original issue still hasn’t gone away and it does need to be resolved.
Let’s be clear being able to communicate effectively doesn’t mean you’re going to become best friends or start going on holiday together with your new partners a la Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin. Sure that’s an option for some people but most separating couples tend to find this brings them out in a cold sweat – mainly because they don’t think it could ever be manageable.
Imagine that whatever issue cropped up, you and your ex-partner were able to have a civilised and productive conversation to tackle what was needed and agree a way forward. You might not necessarily agree your ideal way forward but you were able to have the discussion and create a plan and both stick to it. Wouldn’t that free up hours of worrying and dreading an email or a what’s up? Wouldn’t it save you money not having to return to the mediator or the lawyer you used before? And wouldn’t it free up the hours that you have spent trying to devise a plan that circumvents the need for you to agree on a plan?
Most separating couples want this but lack the belief it will ever happen. What they really lack is the tools they need.
This is why we wanted to create a super, easy to use tool to help separating parents to determine what was going awry with their communication so they could then get some simple tools to fix it. Step forward the concept of the 4 Cs.
We believe that there are four essential pillars of effective communication and they all begin with C. These are:
- Calm
- Constructive
- Conscious
- Compassionate
We think of them as the four legs of a chair. In order that the chair is comfortable they all need to be the same length and be strong. So we created a simple quiz to help you determine which legs of your chair are strong and which might require a little work. This helps you to know where to direct your focus to improve your discussions.
Improving things is by way of simple tips. It doesn’t involve compromising on boundaries or changing who you are. Here are some examples of simple tips that can have a big impact on how you communicate.
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