• Emotions – Allowing yourself to grieve, a separation is a loss, and you will experience a lot of different emotions, maybe some emotions you have not felt so strongly before. Give yourself the time and space to feel these emotions. It is ok to feel anger, sadness, frustration, relief and so on. These are your emotions, and you are allowed to feel them.
• Support – Look for support around you from the people that you trust and feel safe with. Friends and family. Don’t suffer alone, reach out to others.
• Boundaries – Surround yourself with people that have a positive impact on you. Put boundaries on those that have a negative impact on you, prioritising your needs and not putting unnecessary pressure on yourself.  
• Professionals – Look for a therapist or support group with others that are in a similar situation. I have one near me that is called ‘Divorce Group’ they run 6-week course and share experiences and help with information and support each other.
• Small steps – Whilst we must plan for future events, focus on day-to-day tasks, when you feel ready focus on your next steps and then on the future. There is no set plan when this must be, you can decide when you feel emotionally ready to work towards the next steps.

• Experiences – Try old and new activities you like or may like. When a relationship comes to an end, we work through who we are as an individual and what we like doing, this may be similar activities to before or we may like to try new activities.
• Pleasure – If you find experiences are not as pleasurable as before, look for experiences that give you a little bit of pleasure, even if it is not much as you used to experience. That will come later. Small steps for now, any amount of pleasure is good.
• The outside – Being in fresh air, this could be going for a walk on your own or with others, exercising something that you like and is not a chore.
• Sleep – You may be sleeping more or less than normal. If you are struggling to sleep, try a different routine, if you find it difficult going to sleep, don’t worry research has shown resting in bed is just as important. Allowing yourself 8 hours or rest or sleep in bed. Finding ways to relax and a moment of calmness.
• Eating – Sometimes we eat when we are happy or sad, sometimes we don’t eat when we are happy or sad. Most importantly if you’re eating habits have changed, see food as fuelling, a car would not start if it didn’t have petrol. It is important to fuel yourself to start the day. Regular meals throughout the day, will help with energy and regulating emotions. Research shows if we don’t have fuel in our body we are more emotional and find day to day tasks more difficult.

You may find the free downloads we offer helpful in navigating different aspects of separation. We also have an online course called your Road Map to Surviving and Thriving in divorce that takes you through the things you may need to sort out, as well as things to consider with regard to the more emotional aspects. It also covers each of the 4 Cs of effective communication (Calm, Constructive, Conscious and Compassionate) to help you with other aspects of separation as well as ensuring discussing are productive.

According to the Gottman Institute “it is OK to argue in front of kids some of the time. It can actually be good for them. But the kind of argument you’re having and how you communicate your thoughts and feelings makes a BIG difference.” 

If there is a difference of opinion on a certain issue, ensuring that communication remains calm and respectful is essential.  Disagreements are a reality of not only family life but life in general.  Children will experience their own disagreements and conflicts with their friends and siblings, and in the future with their own partners.  They need to learn how to deal with those conflicts by experiencing productive and positive communication, and how this can lead to a resolution. 

However, those at the Gottman Institute also recognise that if children are frequently exposed to incidents of high conflict, they can become “anxious, distressed, sad, angry, and depressed. These feelings result in sleep disturbances, poor performance at school, and difficulty focusing. In the longer term, these kids may become unable to manage conflict and form healthy adult relationships”. 

It is therefore really important to be aware of how your interactions with one another are managed.  Here are some tips:

• Being civil with each other really matters to your children.  Acknowledging one another, making eye contact and entering into small talk at handovers shows your children that you are able to put your differences to one side, to make things easier for them.
• Don’t make things personal.  Avoid speaking negatively about your ex-partner, either in front of them or in the presence of your children. Your children know that they are half you and half their other parent and hearing negative views about either one of you can affect how they see themselves.
• If there is something particularly difficult that you need to discuss, and you anticipate the conversation may not go well, schedule a mutually convenient time for you and your ex-partner to sit down and talk it through, away from the children (i.e they are not in the house at the time).  The opportunity for them to overhear or experience any conflict is then taken away.  If you feel that some support is needed to reach a resolution, consider exploring the option of mediation. This process can provide a safe and professional environment to discuss the issues that you are struggling with, with the help of an impartial third party.  For parents who have not accessed the provision before, the Ministry of Justice provides a Voucher Scheme whereby parents can access £500 towards their joint mediation costs when they wish to discuss arrangements for their children in mediation.  For further information see the link below or get in touch with us on 01306 320520 or via admin@lkwfamilymediation.co.uk as we can claim the voucher for you.

Family Mediation Voucher Scheme – GOV.UK

Other helpful resources:

A simple way to think about co-parenting

Positive Psychology is the science of happiness and is concerned with helping individuals flourish and thrive in life. Whereas traditional Psychology looks at what’s ‘wrong’ with people, Positive Psychology focuses on the positives and negatives equally. It focuses on what’s going well in your life, with your relationships and work and building on your strengths.

We’re all hardwired to focus more on the negative things in life… it’s called ‘negativity bias’… and it’s our brain’s way of keeping us safe. And when you’re going through a divorce, which is the second most stressful life event you can experience, it can be hard to believe that there’s anything to be positive about! But there are always things to feel positive about… it’s about bringing your focus onto those things.

The first stage of feeling happier after your divorce is acknowledging that you have the power to change your mindset and your wellbeing. Studies have shown that 40% of our happiness is within our control and only 10% is due to our circumstances (the other 50% is genetic). You’re much more in control of your own happiness than you might think.

There are many tools in Positive Psychology to help you change how you think and feel in an instant and these can be transformational. Some of these practices you’ll only need to do once to create a shift, and others will become daily practices. These small practices will all have a compounding effect over time and lead to improved happiness and wellbeing.

So here are 8 tools from the science of Positive Psychology to help you to feel happier after your divorce:

Positive Emotions brainstorm – brainstorm all the things that bring you joy and happiness in your life. What do you love doing? What makes you laugh? Who do you love to be with? What have you always wanted to do? Focus on finding the micro joys in your day… those small moments of joy in your everyday life that give you that dopamine hit and make you feel happy. Start to actively plan some of these activities into your day and week and notice how your happiness starts to increase.

Surround yourself with people who light you up – Research has shown that emotions are contagious. We’re wired to mimic the facial expressions and moods of the people we’re with. When you’re going through your divorce surround yourself with people who light you up and make you feel good about yourself. Their positivity will rub off on you. Limit your time spent with people who drain you and just want to hear the ins and outs of what’s going on in your life – that just reconnects you with all the negative emotions.

3 Good Things – This is one of the most used and well-known Positive Psychology tools. It’s been proven to significantly improve wellbeing and reduce symptoms of depression. At the end of your day write down 3 things that have gone well for you and really take the time to connect with those things and feel the emotions associated with them. Reflect on why each thing happened and your role in it. Just start with something small if you struggle to start with.

Start paying attention to the questions you’re asking yourself – Asking yourself questions like ‘why aren’t I good enough?’ or ‘What’s wrong with me?’ just puts the focus on what isn’t working well in your life and keeps you in victim mode. Instead ask yourself more empowering questions like ‘What can I do right now to improve my mood?’ or ‘What’s one thing I’m grateful for in my life right now?’. What you focus on in life is what you get so start focusing on the positives.

Random Acts of Kindness – Studies done in Positive Psychology show that 1 of the 5 side effects of kindness is an increase in happiness. When we focus on others and how we can help them, our energy shifts into the positive and we open ourselves up to a lot more happiness. There’s also a ripple effect from you showing kindness to someone… kindness is contagious. It’s not about the grand gestures either, just doing something small for someone else can really help to increase your happiness. Make the effort to simply be on the lookout for opportunities to be kind to people. Just making the conscious decision to do this will help you spot things you might have missed before.

Reframe it! – This is such a simple tool… but so effective. It’s a powerful technique that you can use at any time in your life to dial down the intensity of any negative emotions you may be feeling. It does take practice but becomes so much easier over time. You’re retraining your brain to naturally focus more on the positives. The first stage of using this reframing technique, is to become conscious of the thoughts you’re having and where your focus is.

Then flip those thoughts and reframe them. Ask yourself what’s one good thing, or positive thing about the situation. There will always be something.

Celebrate your wins – This helps to foster a sense of accomplishment which is essential for us to flourish and thrive in life. Research in positive psychology has shown that celebrating the small wins, and more frequently, has a bigger impact than waiting for the big thing to celebrate. It can feel like you have a mountain to climb when you’re going through a divorce so it’s important to celebrate all the small steps and wins along the way. It helps to build momentum and encourages you to keep going so you can find happiness again and the life you deserve. It boosts your mood and confidence which keeps you motivated on the tough days.

Best possible self exercise – This tool is a powerful way of changing your mindset about the future and feeling more optimism about it. One of the most difficult things when you’re going through a divorce is imagining what your future will look like without your ex and this can be overwhelming, especially if it’s not something you wanted. Take some time to sit down and journal or visualise what your life would look like if everything has turned out in the best possible way. This helps you to identify what you really want and then you can set yourself goals and start working towards that. Keep coming back to the exercise to gain more clarity over time.

Sarah Woodward is a multi-award-winning Breakup and Divorce coach and supports you through the emotional and practical challenges of your breakup so that you can make divorce your happy ever after.

She is also a Positive Psychology Coach, a qualified Personal and Business Coach and a Narcissism Trained Coach with additional training to support clients who are in abusive relationships.

You can contact her at sarah@sarah-woodward.com. For more resources, or to book a free clarity call to chat about how coaching could support you, go to her website www.sarah-woodward.com

You can download her free guide: Make divorce the best thing that’s ever happened to you here: https://sarah-woodward.co.uk/make-divorce-the-best-thing-thats-ever-happened-to-you

Going through a separation is a really scary time with many uncertainties about what will happen and what the likely outcome will be. Many believe that going to court will somehow right the injustices that they have suffered, and ensure that there is an outcome that they are happy with. There can be great shock at how little time they spend with a Judge, and how that Judge will ignore issues that may seem important, grievous or significant to the people they relate to (because that is the Judge’s job to cut to the issues). Before embarking on a court application many people think that they will get a hearing date relatively quickly, and/or that things will be resolved by attending court once. It can be very disheartening to learn that you need to attend a number of court hearings to get things resolved, and that there can be many months of waiting for hearing dates. It is not uncommon for hearings you have waited months for to then be cancelled at the last meeting and this is psychologically challenging to deal with when you have been focused on that date for some time. The new date could again be months into the future.

The changes address the issues with the MIAM requirement not being taken seriously all the time, and set a very clear tone that the could be a last resort for most and certainly not the first step.  The government wants only those who really need the courts to use them as this will ensure the availability of Judges and court time for those that really need them.

So what are the changes? From now any party applying to the court for assistance with resolving a family issue (whether that is finance or children related or both) has to show what they have done to resolve issues without going to court.  This is NOT a tick box exercise as the new form FM5 that they are required to provide contains boxes to explain what has been done so it quite literally isn’t just about ticking boxes.

This requirement will be looked at by Judges (who are getting further training) and costs orders can be made where one person has unreasonably refused to engage in Non-Court Dispute Resolution.  You may have seen the term NCDR for short. There are, of course, exemptions for victims of Domestic Abuse as some of the Non-Court Dispute Resolution processes may not be appropriate for them. If this is you and you particularly have concerns about mediation then please know that mediators NEVER bring two people together in the same room (whether a physical or online room) without having seen you both individually for a meeting to assess whether it would be safe, appropriate and suitable to do so.

What does NCDR mean?  Well mediation is one big part of this (and there is much information about mediation on this site) but it also includes:

• Collaborative practice (where you talk about issues in meetings like mediation but where you each have a specially trained lawyer that supports you and you all agree that things will be resolved in that process, and not in court);
• Tools to assist you in negotiation such as getting an expert solicitor or barrister to give you their opinion on the right outcome to help you move pass points where you are stuck.  This is called an Early Neutral Evaluation.
• Arbitration – this is where a private judge (who is usually a solicitor or barrister who has done other qualifications) decides things for you.  That might be everything or it might be just the bits you’re stuck on.  
• You could also use an Arbitrator to have a Private Financial Dispute Resolution hearing to help you negotiate by telling you what they think the likely outcome is.  This is what a Judge does in a Financial Dispute Resolution hearing but a private judge gives you their full attention and time, and you will usually be able to arrange this more quickly than waiting for the court timetable to get to that point
• But crucially it isn’t just limited to these things.  If you can show you have tried to address things outside of court then this may count to.  To be clear though, there is a big difference for everyone between “my solicitor wrote 3 letters” and “my ex and I have had several meetings over a few months and narrowed down our issues”.

The single most important thing that you need to know if you’re going through a separation, is that you must show what you have done to resolve issues without the court and this must be clear about demonstrating the efforts that have been made. Without this you run the risk of costs orders being made.  Your mediator should give you information about these processes at a MIAMS meeting and if you’re instructing a lawyer they should give you information to. If either person doesn’t then ask!

If you truly want to understand more about all the NCDR options and their advantages and disadvantages then you may find the (Almost) Anything But the Family Court book by Jo O’Sullivan useful. There’s also a digital edition of the book.

The simple truth is that when your partner tells you they want to separate, or you make the decision to end your relationship, it doesn’t mean that love immediately evaporates into thin air. Sometimes it moved out a long time ago and other times it still sits there; the elephant in the room. Part of what we do in mediation is naming that elephant and looking it in the eye so this seemed to be a blog that needed to be written.

We all grow up with different experiences of love. We may have had parents who openly expressed their love and affection for each other. Alternatively, we may have had parents who frowned on such things but who were still kind and polite to each other. Equally some of us may have been brought up in families where love didn’t feel safe or like something you would want to embrace at all. Since we all have different life experiences we all have different feelings about love and responses to it.

We have the romantics who love a truly a romantic, soul driven love connection. The story of Romeo and Juliet’s forbidden love is a classic but this scenario has been played out in so many other stories. I think the ones that immediately come to me are Angel and Buffy, or Sadie and Kevin in the Across the Barricades books by Joan Lingard. Am I showing my age and teenage experiences? If we think Disney too then we were brought up on messages that love conquers everything: racism, religious intolerance, angry parents and all manner of other situations.

As you get older you realise that things are rarely so black and white and that love does not always conquer. Indeed abuse, narcissistic personality disorder, differences in parenting and a family that does not like your spouse are some of the things that my work tells me it’s pretty darn hard for love to conquer.

One of the things that fascinates me is about the way that we express our love for people in our lives (be it our partner, our children or other family and friends). I love the 5 languages of love as this makes so much sense to me. You can make the most earnest declarations of love but if you’re saying it in Italian and your partner only speaks Mandarin they won’t know or appreciate how you feel. The 5 languages of love runs along this theme. The idea is that there are 5 love languages: acts of servitude, gifts, quality time, physical touch and words of affirmation. We all like to have love spoken to us in our primary love language. But we tend to express love in our primary language rather than in the language that is our partner (or child or other person’s) primary language. This can lead to the person we’re expressing love to not hearing what we’re trying to say. As you might imagine I see this quite a lot in my work and it’s something that often crops up when I hear people talk about difficulties in the relationships in their lives.

I have also for some years been intrigued by the commonly held myth that love can turn to hate in a heartbeat. I don’t believe it. I believe that one of the messy truths in life is that you can still love someone even though other people don’t want you to, and even though you are disgusted with yourself for feeling that way. Still feeling that intensity of emotion when you’d rather not means it’s easier to talk about hating someone but it is not always this clear cut – much as might prefer it to be.

Some clients have shared with me along the way that although their ex has behaved in an unkind, hurtful and disrespectful way they would still get back together in a heartbeat. More than one person has told me that they used to think about this happening to help them get to sleep.

So what can you do when you still love your ex but desperately don’t want to?

1. Acknowledge how you feel (to yourself – you’re not obliged to share unless you feel it would be helpful to do so) and accept that love and emotions are complicated and this may be the case for a while. You may always love them although the intensity and nature of your love might change over time. If you have children with your ex there will forever be a connection between the two of you and you may feel that you will always love them for the fact that you created children together. This is natural and normal.
2. Much as people may want to feel that they “got over” a long relationship in a few short months the reality is more likely to be a couple of years than a couple of months. You may not feel such intense pain for all of that time but it may be a longer adjustment than you might think. Time doesn’t automatically heal but it can give some perspective that changes the emotions. Different people have different experiences so it won’t necessarily be the same for you as it is for someone else.
3. If you are finding it really difficult to manage your emotions on a day to day basis, or to function in daily life then you might find you need professional support. Since divorce and separation are the third most stressful life event anybody goes through there is zero shame in this. Talking to a professional in a safe space can help you to talk about and understand how you’re feeling. They may also be able to help you develop healthy coping mechanisms whilst you work through your grief.

If this blog resonates then I would love to know. I’d also love to know what the most powerful love stories you watched or read about when you were growing up were? What did you learn about love from these?

If you feel you could do with a pick me up at this difficult time then you can sign up for 5 days of loving and inspiring messages directly into your inbox from us at LKW Family Mediation. There’s a bit of separation support thrown in too. If you’d like to know more about family mediation then we have some information for you.

Here are some helpful tips from Michelle Rumsey on how to manage the Christmas period:

• Communication: Open and honest communication between co-parents is key. Start the conversation as soon as possible. If you haven’t had it already then you definitely need to start now. Creating space and time to explore different options. Think about how this change will impact both of you.
• Children always being at the forefront of your mind: Each child is unique and has different needs depending on developmental age, relationship with extended family, friends locally, hobbies, parties. What is best for your child/ren? How can you create new happy memories? What can you both do to help your children be excited about Christmas rather than apprehensive about the changes?
• Plan: Create a plan together in how you communicate best, face to face, email, telephone. Be specific about drop offs and pick ups and what will happen each day over the holidays. Christmas extends over 2 weeks for children.  Whilst it’s natural to see Christmas day as the main event you can do the same things as a family on any other day in the Christmas holidays and most children won’t object to having two days of celebration!

• Be flexible: Children’s needs come first, at the last minute they may be invited to a party or they may want to see a grandparent or they may be unwell. It is important communication doesn’t stop after the plan has been agreed. Changes sometimes happen we can not plan for although it can help to think about what bumps in the road might crop up and talk about how you would deal with them.
• Once agreed on a plan: Put this in writing, you are all clear on the arrangements, communication and expectations.
• Keep the children informed: Depending on Childrens age and needs ask the children what they would like, let them express their preferences and hopes. Involved them, if appropriate, in the planning. Children often have creative ways of managing things and it can be empowering for them to know they’ve been involved in some of the decision making.
• Alternate years: Many parents find it helpful to alternate Christmas arrangements each year. For example, one parent has the Children on Christmas day this year and the other parent has them the next year. This way, both parents get to celebrate with the children on special occasions. Some parents set things up so that the children are with one parent on Christmas Day, and the other on Boxing Day and it changes each year. What will work best for your family?
• Stay positive: Remember that holiday arrangements can be challenging, but maintaining a positive approach and cooperation will create a better experience for everyone. It can always take time for new things to feel normal especially after a big change like a divorce or separation.

• Be sensitive: The change and unknown of the first Christmas after separation can create different emotions, negative and positive. Be sensitive to everyone’s emotions and understand emotions are challenged and change. You and your co-parent might be experiencing different emotions but it help to treat the way you each feel as being valid.

If you find it difficult to reach an agreement on your own, consider Mediation to help support this discussion. Mediation can help facilitate discussions and reach a resolution that feels fair to everyone involved. Your children can also have their say in the mediation process so that you factor in their ideas. This is generally for children of 10 and older and only happens where both parents and the children want it to but it can be a useful way of ensuring everyone’s voices are heard in the arrangements that you make. The goal is to make the Christmas season as memorable for your children and yourselves as possible and that can sometimes require some creativity and to think outside the box about what will work for you.

That is why, when discussing a financial settlement in mediation, your mediator will help you look at your finances in realistic terms, by going through what is known as a “reality test” with you.  The term itself is not one, personally, I am particularly fond of.  However, the fact of the matter is, it is a hugely important part of the process.  If you wish to have any agreed financial settlement approved by the court by way of a Consent Order, the Court will want to see that the proposed settlement is affordable for both parties.  That everyone can meet their needs going forwards.  Yes, this is hugely important.  But it is also hugely important that the parties themselves know that their financial situation is secure.  That they are going to be ok. 

If there are divorce proceedings, during the financial disclosure process, both parties must disclose their respective incomes.  This is on an annual basis and on a monthly basis.  When looking at the monthly income, both the gross income and the net income will be recorded.   It is essential to see what is really coming in every month.  Then both parties will be asked to look at what they think their anticipated monthly expenditure will be going forwards.  Now this is where it gets really tricky.  At the moment, it is really difficult for most people to anticipate what their bills are going to be, whether we are looking at weekly food shop, energy bills or indeed their mortgage repayments.  But, if you are thinking of moving to a new house or even a new area and going from a two-income household to a one income household, having a grasp of what those bills are going to look like is going to be hard, but essential.  The mediator will be able to provide you with a list of items to think about.  A bit like a budget.  The big bills will be on there, like rent or mortgage repayments.  But it may also contain things like haircuts and birthday presents.  Things that you might forget to budget for but will inevitably come up.  Getting some numbers down in that budget is the first step.  However, as different options are discussed, maybe about where both parties are thinking of living in the future and in what type of property, the budget can be revisited.  And yes, sometimes, expenditure may exceed income and will need to be looked at again, and the numbers reduced.  Taking advice from professionals such as Independent Financial Advisors, Mortgage Brokers or the Citizens Advice Bureau may also be helpful, and your mediator will be able to signpost you to relevant people. 

I completely acknowledge that the reality test does not sound fun.  However, your mediator will be there to support and guide you through the process and will ensure that both parties are looking at any options realistically.  You’ll be pleased you did it in the long run. 

If you’d like help deciding what happens next financially after a separation then give us a call on 01306 32020 or email admin@lkwfamilymediation.co.uk

Family Mediation is known for supporting couples with financial settlements writes Michelle Rumsey and childcare arrangements. As family mediators our roles are not isolated to only financial and children, we incorporate a wide range of other areas.  One area in particular that has increased over the years is the family dog and ‘Who gets the dog?’.  Dogs are part of the family and may people find the way the court approaches the as possessions to be unsatisfactory and not in keeping with how the dog is viewed within the family.  In family mediation you can address any issues that are important to you, regardless of whether these would be dealt with by a court.

Family Mediation can be a helpful tool to find a resolution that considers the best interest of all parties involved, including the well-being of the dog.

During family mediation, the mediator will facilitate a discussion between the parties involved to explore their interests, concerns, and possible solutions regarding the ownership of the dog. The mediator will encourage open communication, active listening, and respectful dialogue to help the parties understand each other’s perspectives.

In the case of a dispute over the dog, several factors may be considered during mediation, including,

1. Care and suitable living for the dog
2. Attachment and relationships with the dog. Emotional bond with the dog and who the dog has spent most of their time with.
3. The party’s ability to meet the financial commitment of the dog and how these will be met.
4. Lifestyle and availability, living arrangements and working hours.
5. Childrens emotional attachment to the dog and the impact this has on everyone involved.

Ultimately, the goal of family mediation is to reach a mutually agreeable solution that looks at the best interests of all the parties involved, including the dog. The mediator will help look at all solutions, for example shared care, visiting the dog, holidays. Ensuring the welfare of the dog is considered at all times.

Michelle Rumsey

LKW Family Mediation will be supporting family mediation week and our Louisa Whitney is running an hour on Zoom on Wednesday 19th January from 11 to 12 where you can ask a mediator any question about family mediation. Perhaps you want to know if it might help you? Maybe you’ve thought about becoming a family mediator? Whatever your angle you can sign up and then drop by and ask your questions. You can sign up here and you will be sent the Zoom link beforehand.

Louisa Whitney is also running a workshop for lawyers about what happens in family mediation and how to best support the process on Tuesday 18th January from 1 p.m. to 2 p.m. You can sign up here. Do have a look at the full program of events as there are many, many events happening throughout the week.

In case there are any cynics in the readership of this blog (surely not?) I thought it might be helpful to share some reasons why we are LKW Family Mediation think this is a brilliant initiative and are keen to support it:

Family Mediation week highlights the benefits of family mediation and the flexibility of the process. Have a look at the full program of events.

1. More people know about family mediation than they did 10 years ago but it is still not so commonly known that everyone is aware of their options when they separate and the range of processes that exist, like mediation, to help you resolve all the issues that crop up. No one can make informed decisions unless they have all the information they need. Initiatives like this really help to educate people about all their options so they can make properly informed and considered decisions about the right way forward.
2. There are many separating couples who feel they cannot afford to pay professional fees. They worry about how they might fund lawyers or mediators if they’re needed. They are already worried about how they will turn the one home they’ve had into two separate houses and any level of professional involvement feels completely unaffordable. Where they are both on the same page they may not need much assistance but if the pressures of their situation are affecting the relationship between them then they may feel trapped in an increasingly desperate situation. Initiatives like family mediation week where professionals share resources and information enable separating couples to understand their situation and what needs to be done without having to pay to access this information.
3. These initiatives also give professionals and the general public the opportunity to think differently. We all have views, opinions and perceptions of things. It’s part of being human. Sometimes these are based on distorted, incorrect or out of date information so it’s a chance for all of us to learn and understand and see whether, perhaps, we are labouring under any misconceptions.
4. Mediation is a hugely flexible process and we’re big believers, here, that it should be arranged in a way that works best for the people using it at any given time. Highlighting different ways in which mediation can operate helps people to understand that it can be tailored to help them. Separating couples come in all shapes and sizes and whilst some are OK sitting in the same room (be that online or in a physical room) others are not. Some people may easily come to mediation as the next natural step, others may need support before they are ready to start this process. Many people may attend mediation as just them and their ex-partner, other people may need more support in the room – such as having their lawyer present.
5. With mediators joining together we are able to spread information much further than if it was simply one or two people sharing this message. It enables us to reach all parts of the country, different communities and a variety of audiences. The more people that understand family mediation the more people might be able to access this valuable process when they need it. It’s worth repeating that you can’t make informed choices without information!

This sounds great! How can I support family mediation week?

1. Attend an event. Have a look at the program of events and then attend something to find out more.
2. Share information about the week on your social media. Maybe your followers need to know about this?
3. Tell people IN REAL LIFE. If you’re at work this week why not let your colleagues know in case any of them might benefit from knowing more about family mediation. Tell your friend when you meet for coffee. Whatever you’re doing socially this week pass the message on.

In the third blog we looked at the positives there might be for you following a separation.  We gave some examples so you can see that there could be positives, even if you don’t recognise them in your situation right now.

In this blog we thought it might be helpful to just share a bit of inspiration with you to keep you going if you’re finding things tough or difficult right now.  If you do feel stuck, or that there simply might never be life that doesn’t feel like it does now then have a look at our blog.  There is such a wealth of resource in it that you will likely find something that speaks to your current challenges.  Don’t forget there is also our online shop that has affordable resources for anyone going through a separation.  You only need to pay for each resource once and then you and your partner can both use them.

We also run the Soulful Separation Support group which is an online community for anyone going through a separation.  You can get support there from others who are also on this journey.  There are also professionals in there like us who can offer you support and guidance with issues you’re finding tricky.

Finding light in the dark places is often challenging in a separation.

We’ve also included some inspirational quotes below and added our interpretation to them if you’re feeling a bit short on inspiration and not feeling like there is any light at the end of the tunnel.

“Hope is important because it can make the present moment less difficult to bear. If we believe that tomorrow will be better, we can bear a hardship today.” – Thich Nhat Hanh

We don’t know anything about Thich Nhat Hanh but a google search tells us that he is a Vietnamese Thien Buddhist Monk and peace activist who founded the Plum Village Tradition.  This quote needs little explanation.  We all need hope for tomorrow to get us through the challenges today.

“It is only in our darkest hours that we may discover the true strength of the brilliant light within ourselves that can never, ever, be dimmed.” – Doe Zantamata

This quote resonated strongly with Louisa Whitney who can see that some of the greatest challenges of her professional and personal life have made her realise the strength she has and she now draws on this in any challenging situation.  Louisa also explains that she feels she can move back to a more positive place in any challenge now because of the strength she has gained from previous challenges.  Doe is an author, artist and photographer who wrote the Happiness in Your Life book series.

“The greatest glory in living lies not in never failing, but in rising every time we fail.” – Nelson Mandela

This quote makes us want to play the Andra Day track “Rise Up”.  It never fails to make us feel more powerful and worthy in each challenging moment.  What music makes you feel more worthy and more powerful?  Why not play a track today?

Finally this quote that we saw courtesy of the keepinspiring.me website gave us chills because so often going through a separation can really feel like you’re battling a big head wind and just not getting anywhere.  We understand that feeling.  But what if this was just preparation for take off?

Do you feel like you’ve taken off into the wind?

We hope you’ve found these quotes inspiring.  If anything has inspired you in your separation then please add it below or email us to tell us about it so we can pass it on to others who might need it.