The short answer to this question is yes. However, as is always the case with everything in life, there are some caveats.
The part of the mediation process where children can have their say is called Child Inclusive Mediation (CIM). It was introduced in January 2019 when it replaced something called Child Consultation. CIM reflects the child’s right, as enshrined in the UN Convention on the Rights of the Child (and paralleled in UK legislation, The Children Act 1989), to participate in the process that involves the separation and/or divorce of their parents and subsequent arrangements for the child, where the child, typically, will spend their time split between two houses.
CIM provides an opportunity for the child to meet a specially trained mediator and have their voice heard. The child will be reassured that their wishes and feelings are hugely important, but they do not have the responsibility of making any decisions. This will always rest with their parents. Parents, however, sometimes need help making big decisions and hearing how their child really sees the situation can be invaluable.
The meeting with the child is confidential and private. Only the information that the child specifically consents to being relayed to their parents will be. This is done at a separate meeting.
Research conducted by Carol Smart, Amanda Wade and Bren Neale, and supported by netmums and Tamara Afifi (courtesy of NFM), shows that most children feel powerless in situations of family change. They find themselves in a situation which they are forced to accept and yet feel that they have no say in them.
While the benefits of CIM to children and parents are largely recognised, it is important to remember that this part of the process, as with all aspects of mediation, is voluntary for all parties. It cannot go ahead unless everyone (this includes both parents, the child and the mediator) agrees. The age of the child will also be relevant. There are no strict guidelines in this regard, and it will be very much decided on a case-by-case basis. It’s safe to say though that, while I’m sure it would be very lovely for the mediator, having a CIM session for a one-year-old may not be incredibly useful at that time!
Watch Tom’s Story
The Rights Idea? Children’s rights when parents separate: Tom’s story
Produced the University of Exeter’s The Rights Idea? Project – led by Professor Anne Barlow (with Dr Jan Ewing) (Law School) in partnership with the National Youth Advocacy Service (NYAS) and the National Association of Child Contact Centres (NACCC).
You might also like more information on our Child Inclusive Mediation service.
