When you separate from a partner then it’s a given that two things you will need are to heal and to find a resolution. These two are intertwined and sometimes you need to make considerable progress with one before you can make progress with the other.
You may also have a number of other needs beyond that and here at LKW Family Mediation we encourage you to give some thought to those needs so that the resolution is a holistic and total one that enables you to truly move forward with the next chapter.
It is all very well making decisions and ensuring that you have a new home and that you have enough money to live off (and these are important things) but if once you’ve resolved all this you are sat in your new home falling apart, or seething with resentment then we would suggest that you have achieved only a partial resolution.
We are not claiming to have a magic wand. We do not claim to be able to resolve all issues but we can help you to identify needs that you have and then we can help to involve other people who may be able to help you (jointly with ourselves) to achieve a whole resolution.
To give you a better idea, here are some examples of the needs that we have come across during mediation sessions with couples:
– A need to forgive yourself for making decisions and doing things that you may not be terribly proud of.
– A need to forgive the other person for making decisions and doing things that have hurt you and that they may not be terribly proud of.
– A need to take responsibility for what happens next in your life. It may be time for you to take charge and maybe you find this terrifying and overpowering.
– A need to be empowered. Maybe other people have always made decisions for you about what happens in your life and you would now like to make decisions for yourself.
– A need to recognise that you may not completely understand what your children want or are feeling.
– A need to understand that maybe what you would like to happen won’t happen, but maybe you can find a way forward that will be OK even if it’s different.
– A need to take some time out and to tell the world that actually you really aren’t OK right now.
These are just a few of the needs that we help our clients to identify. Sometimes we can help them and sometimes we can just suggest somebody else to help. We are, after all, family mediators not counsellors or coaches. We believe that by bringing trusted and skilled practitioners together to help meet clients varying needs, we can help them to achieve a complete resolution.
But in order to achieve a truly complete resolution you have to first identify the needs that you have, over and above resolving the immediate concerns about money and when your children will be with each parent. It is only by doing this that you will be able to properly look to the future and feel that you can say confidently (or perhaps tentatively at first) “things will be OK”. Working to achieve such a resolution is not easy and that’s where support comes in from your mediator, and from other practitioners. But if you are prepared to dig deep and work hard then achieving a holistic and total resolution is likely to help you face the future head on.