Can EMDR Help Prepare Clients for Family Mediation?
I recently began my training as an EMDR therapist writes Michelle Rumsey, and since starting the course I’ve been reflecting a lot on trauma and the ways it can impact us in so many areas of our lives. What has struck me most is how the same experience can affect people very differently. Two individuals may go through something similar, yet the emotional and psychological impact can be completely unique to each person.
As both a family mediator and a therapist, this has led me to think more deeply about my work with separating couples. I’ve been wondering whether EMDR could play a role in supporting clients before or even alongside the mediation process.
For many people, the end of a relationship can be a deeply traumatic experience. Clients may come to mediation only a few months after separating, while others may wait a year or more before seeking support. In my experience, the length of time since separation is often less important than a person’s emotional readiness. When clients are able to regulate their emotions, they are generally better able to engage in mediation, make informed decisions, and begin planning for their future.
Divorce is often described as one of the most stressful life events a person can experience. It can bring a wide range of powerful emotions — anger, sadness, frustration, confusion, loss and guilt. For many individuals, separation can have a significant impact on psychological wellbeing. Some people may experience depression, increased alcohol or drug use, health difficulties, or ongoing unhappiness. The breakdown of a relationship can also affect attachment patterns and sometimes trigger earlier unresolved trauma.
When you consider everything someone may already be carrying emotionally, it can feel overwhelming to then ask them to make complex decisions about children, finances and the future. Just thinking about that level of pressure can feel daunting.
Of course, it is also important to recognise that separation is not always negative. For some individuals, particularly those leaving abusive or harmful relationships, divorce can represent an important and positive step towards safety and a healthier future.
This is where I have been curious about whether EMDR could offer additional support for some clients. EMDR is a trauma-focused therapy designed to help people process difficult experiences and reduce their emotional impact. In theory, helping clients process traumatic memories or emotional triggers could potentially support them to:
- clarify their goals before entering mediation
- process difficult or painful relationship experiences
- reduce emotional reactivity when seeing or speaking with their former partner
- process betrayal or relationship trauma
- lower feelings of anger or shame
- shift negative beliefs about themselves or the situation
- improve emotional regulation during difficult conversations
If clients feel calmer, more emotionally regulated and clearer about what matters to them, they may be better able to engage constructively in mediation and make decisions that support their future.
I am very much at the beginning of my journey as an EMDR therapist, and I am curious to explore whether this approach could help support some of the clients I work with in mediation. I don’t believe there is a single approach that works for everyone, but I do believe that having a range of supportive tools available can only benefit the people we work with.
What I do know is that many professionals working in both therapy and mediation share the same aim, to help individuals and families navigate one of the most challenging periods of their lives with greater understanding, support and care.
If you’d like to talk to Michelle about her work and current training as an EMDR therapist then contact us on 01306 320520 or email admin@lkwfamilymediation.co.uk
