This set of blogs is a return to the 4 part blog series to look at issues in more dept and to break issues down into manageable chunks for those feeling overwhelmed by issues relating to their separation.
You can look at the first part of the blog talking about practical arrangements for preparing for mediation. You can also look at the second blog which invites you to consider how emotionally ready you are for family mediation. The third part looks at getting information together and how to manage that process.
In this blog we will pull the threads together to talk you through how to get the most out of your family mediation process.
There are two really important points that we can’t stress enough with regard to this:
- It is your time, energy and money that is invested in family mediation and so you need to get the best from it in order to make the best use of that expenditure (both emotionally and financially);
- You can only control what energy you put into the mediation process and not what your ex partner puts into it. It is important to remember that you only control what you do. By focusing on your own behaviour, you are more likely to encourage your ex partner to consider their own behaviour, than if you focus solely on their behaviour. You each focus on the effort you make. As you are in control of this the effort usually translates into productivity.
Our top tips for getting the best out of family mediation are as follows:
- Provide any information you are asked to as openly and honestly as possible. Answer questions transparently and calmly about this information. The other person will ask questions to understand, it doesn’t mean they’re questioning your judgement or integrity.
- Ideally provide all information by the deadline requested. If you’re not able to do this then explain when you will be able to do this before the deadline has passed. Some information gathering is beyond your control. That’s OK but be clear about what you’re doing and don’t let the other person form the impression that you’re sat ignoring the action points.
- Own your own vision of what you want your post-separation life to look like. Know what it is you would like to achieve and what you’re prepared to do to make that happen. Take responsibility for your next chapter. This doesn’t mean you need to be financially independent (this may not yet be possible). But owning what you want it to look like and setting that out for the other person, and being actively involved in creating solutions is a big part of moving forward. One person being passive does not assist the process. If you’re not emotionally ready to do that yet then say so and explain what you’re doing to help yourself move forward. This can reassure the other person that you are focusing on your own recovery.
- Be open to doing things differently to how you envisaged. It’s okay to have red lines but if you only have one way forward that has red lines all round it then it is less likely that you will be able to find a mutually acceptable compromise
We hope that these tips have been useful.
If you’d like more information about mediation or have questions about the blogs then please contact us. You can also sign up to our free mailing list, or access our free community of support via the closed Soulful Separation support Facebook group.