Looking after the children during family break up, separation and divorce
When couples who are going through a separation come to talk about how their children will spend their time for the first Christmas (or in fact any other special day or celebration) it can be a tough ask. It’s a special day and it’s likely you have always spent it with your children. So facing the thought of what to do can mean that one of you won’t see your children on this special day. This is tough and something…
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If I had a pound for every time I’ve been asked to decide whose truth is the right one in a mediation session I would be a rich woman indeed (although a frustrated one who did not derive much job satisfaction). It is a subject that animates, frustrates and generates huge debate on an hourly basis. Whose truth is the right one? The problem with this premise as a starting point is that it look at things from their perspective…
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Would things be easier if your ex would only change? Why filing up your own cup may be more important. In these challenging times where everyone is dealing with all that life brings with it, and COVID-19, Una Archer and I got to talking about the importance of looking after yourself and how filling up your own cup is the most important thing you can do for yourself, and for your relationships with other people. We all know relationships…
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This blog started after a conversation between Louisa Whitney and Jo O’Sullivan and was borne out of a simple conversation about something that is an underused tool in resolving issues between parents. Both Jo and myself are passionate about minimising the effects on children of their parents’ separation, and about giving them a voice in this process wherever possible. If you’d like more information about our Child Inclusive Mediation services than please have a look at the page. You can…
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Never has a period of time brought forth such use of the word “unprecedented”. The use is of course justified as these are times for which there simply is no road map or blueprint. Lockdown is a situation that was only put in place previously during airstrikes during World War II. Even then the situation was not entirely the same. I have already written guidance for those self-isolating in a house with a partner they’re separating from. I now want…
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I recently came across a really interesting article based on a survey looking at parents staying together for the sake of their children The survey was called out by Directline. Some parts of this survey really jumped out at me and I wanted to add some thoughts on them: I can see the generational difference in how long parents stayed together but even amongst younger parents it was still 3 years. Often in family mediation one of the things…
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Recently I added a blog post aimed at giving more information to those thinking about mediation and collating various pieces of information that are contained across the extensive range of blogs on the LKW Family Mediation website This got me thinking about whether those coming into mediation, or going through a separation generally, really understand the full range of things that can be talked about in mediation. So the list below is of conversations that have been facilitated by me…
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This video was put together by Louisa Whitney from LKW Family Mediation and Una Archer, a psychologist, from Parenting after Separation. Parenting after separation can feel very busy. You may find yourself carrying more responsibility for your child, whilst learning to navigate the co-parenting relationship. Una and I put our heads together to hopefully help you simplify things a bit, let go of things that are not essential and make more space for what is important for you.…
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When you separate from a partner there can be a whole myriad of emotions. Anger, resentment and fear are common and it is sometimes from a place seeped with these emotions that each party reacts. When you react from a place of anger or fear you can often be seen as being aggressive or threatening. A defensive reaction is often one designed to launch a preemptive attack and to wound before you are wound-ed. Our brains are complicated machines but…
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In our list of tips to help parents minimise the effects of their separation on their children we have now reached tip three: making sure the arrangements are child centred. As we have suggested before this might sound obvious but it’s important that your arrangements take into account the different needs your children have. Talking to your children is key in this. Sometimes parents worry about talking to their children following a separation: they worry that they might say…
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