In our second blog we’re looking at something that isn’t much talked about in the legal world of divorce issues because it’s not necessarily tangible. But we believe in a holistic approach at LKW Family Mediation and we feel that not everyone is the same so we like to talk about anything that we feel is related to separation in case it is helpful to you. So in this blog we’re talking about energy. You can look at our first blog in this series talking about grief in divorce.

To watch the video talking about this and other blogs click on the video below:


If you can remember back to school science lessons (we vaguely do..!) then you might remember learning about energy and how it transforms from one form to another; for example pushing a toy train moves energy from your arm into momentum in the train. If you extend this much further then you start to understand that everything around us is energy.  If you extend this line of thinking further then there is also an idea that thoughts and feelings have their own energy.  You know that feeling when someone has said something mean to you and you feel like it has affected you physically? Or when you walk into a room, or someone’s house, and you know they have had an argument? This is all to do with the energy that is all around us and forms part of all of us.

Louisa Whitney who founded LKW Family Mediation became interested in this idea shortly after setting up the business.  It also led to her becoming a Level II Reiki because she wanted to find out more about energy and especially how to use certain energies for positive purposes.  There is growing research about the link between physical health and our thoughts, emotions and feelings.  The idea that difficult emotions can become ‘stuck’ in the body and impact on us as physical health problems is something many people may well be alive to. There is a growing understanding of the link between mental and physical health and this plays a role in many things from the way the NHS delivers services, to the way top athletes are coached. For more information about this you may find this article helpful. There are of course many other resources talking about this and many books too.

A divorce or separation is a difficult time emotionally and you may wish to give some thought as to how this may impact on your physical and mental health. You may find this graphic useful and we invite you to tune into what thoughts you are having about your separation and your ex partner and to write them down so that you can capture them.

By capturing them you can also reflect on them to see if you notice patterns, or if you feel they are serving you. We also invite you to think about the energy exchanges that might be happening with you and your ex-partner. It’s common to feel overwhelmed and stressed during a separation. If either of you store up that stress and then let it all out when you see the other person then this may then lead to the other person feeling stressed, burdened and possibly even feeling like they have been attacked physically.

It’s important to remember that you are responsible for your own behaviour and that if certain thought patterns are creating behaviour patterns that are not assisting you, then it may be sensible to focus on what is causing you to feel that way, and to look at how changing your mindset might have a positive impact on your situation.  This can lead to a cry about “what about the other person” and we will be talking more about this in next week’s blog but for now we would simply say that you can only be responsible and make changes to your own behaviour but you may be surprised to see what a difference just one person making changes can make.

If you feel that the energy surrounding your separation is affecting you mentally and physically then you may wish to try some of the following:

• A talking therapy like counselling or psychotherapy to help you focus on the thoughts behind your behaviour

• Cognitive Behavioural Therapy which helps you to change your thought patterns and cycles. This can be useful if you are feeling particularly anxious.

• Alternative therapies that can help detect physical and energetic health problems such as Reiki, Polarity, Pranic Healing or Reflexology (or others). If you’d like to be put in touch with a local practitioner then please get in touch with us as we have links with a number of different therapists.

Other blogs you may find useful:

Looking after yourself in a separation
Considering separation or divorce?

Stay tuned to this series of blogs being published every Monday as we’ll be covering other ideas to help you manage your divorce.

If you’d like to get these blogs and other resources for support directly into your inbox why not sign up for our free mailing list. We also have a separate mailing list for professionals working with separating couples. This will include details of our forthcoming training workshops and networking events.

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