This is the last in our series of blogs looking at arranging summer holidays. In this series we’ve talked about why it’s important to make arrangements early, what to do if you’ve reached an impasse and what to do if you feel like you can’t face ever negotiating holidays with your ex again. In this last blog we’re doing a round up of all the help and support that is out there (well an overview!) so you can hopefully find something that will assist whatever your issue.
All our experience of working with separated couples have taught us just how varied people’s diary systems can be. We know some separated couples use spreadsheets to manage their arrangements. Others make arrangements and put them in their diary or calendar. You can use online shared calendars like google calendar but there are also specialist tools aimed at separated parents.
Our Family Wizard is a specialist app for separated parents that can help with diary management
Emotional support for you
Emotional support can encompass everything from making time to have a cuppa with your mum or auntie or having a glass of wine with friends through to committing to regular therapy. It can also include more holistic treatments like massage, Reiki, homeopathy and reflexology. Our blog post on looking after yourself in a separation may give you some ideas. If you feel like you could do with some professional support then you can talk to your GP to find out about counselling, or ask trusted contacts for recommendations, or you can find a counselor through the counselling directory.
If you would like someone who can work with both you and your ex partner then you may find a family therapist or relationship counselor (who is willing to work with separated couples) might assist.
Emotional support for your children
If you have teens then the charity voices in the middle may offer some support to them. If you have younger children then their school or nursery, or your GP, may be able to put you in touch with a counselor specializing in working with children who should also hold a DBS to alleviate any concerns you may have about your children talking to a stranger.
Help with talking about arrangements
Mediation can be a really useful way in hearing each other’s views in a calm and professional environment. Family mediators are trained to help you hear and talk to each other. They also can give you lots of information about things you may not have thought about and can help you to look at what other support you might need. You can find a family mediator by visiting the Family Mediation Council or Resolution. Resolution is an organisation that represents different professionals (mainly lawyers but also financial experts, mediators and other professionals) so you can also find other professionals through their website. As we outlined in our last blog children can also be consulted as part of the mediation process so that they are given a voice in what happens next for them – where this is appropriate and were they are of an age where they are able to do this.
Coaching has been a rising trend in recent times and can play an important role in helping separating couples. It can help you look at the language you use in discussions and support you to make changes. There are now a number of divorce coaches who support clients during and after a divorce and can help you to manage this difficult process and to make the most of life after the separation. There are also relationship coaches who can help you to improve your relationship, or to ensure that you do not end up creating the same relationship problems in your next relationship. There are also life coaches who can help you to realize whatever vision you have for your future. All of these can be helpful in enabling you to move past your current difficulties making holiday arrangements.
Although this is the last in this series of blogs, if you’d like to get our blogs and other supportive resources directly into your inbox you can sign up to our free mailing list. We also have a separate mailing list for professionals working with separating couples. This will include details of our forthcoming training workshops and networking events.